😻 Hello, readers. Listeners? Internet.
Happy to see you here on Tuesday! The shittiest day of the week. “Case of the Mondays?” Naaaah, sweetness, Monday’s not the worst. You’re still fresh from the weekend (sort of/kind of) - Tuesday hits you like a cup full of piping hot misery.
There you are, stranded in a job you hate unable to get laid. Or perhaps you’re waiting on a text back from someone who seemed great on the first date and then disappeared with no explanation.
SOoOOoOo
Relatable, right?!
I mean I know I’m like, a Brooklyn 6 TBH but it’s hard to compete in this city. Figured I’d do okay in the Midwest but um... well, my boyfriend was my friend first so he KNOWS that I was struggling to get laid out there. And how many prior sexual partners I had. Seriously. THE TOTAL BODY COUNT SO FAR IS SLIGHTLY BELOW THE THE NATIONAL AVERAGE REPORTED NUMBER OF BANGIN’ FOR PEOPLE IN AMERICA.
*NO SHAME TO OTHER PEOPLE, LOVE YOUR SEXUAL SUCCESSES FOR YOU BUT I AM BEING HONEST ABOUT RARELY BEING ABLE TO GET LAID OKAY?!
I KNOW I AM AVERAGE enough SO IT MUST BE MY PERSONALITY?
josh is the first person willing to commit to me who likes my jokes :(
my film nerd boyfriend did not like my humor very much =<
of course i am attracted to women you imbeciles
unruffled re: genitalia
could never get a girlfriend
there was a lady best friend I was very much in love with who wanted children
everyone including my mother critiques my looks
FIRST THOUGHT IN MY BRAIN EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR IS A FULL INVENTORY OF WHAT LOOKS UGLY TODAY
Video
MY OTHER WEBSITES
so many people in my family died for the sins of other families
if you like my breakup mashup video stay tuned for ... the day before Father’s Day!!!
Ignore my hilarious false guesses about who my “maybe not dead” father is
As a Prince fan, I doubt he would mind that I was traumatized when I thought we were related. Nope: I inherited the voice of Aretha Franklin and the grin of James Baldwin times Freddie Mercury divided by Nina Simone and yet Prince IS NOT THE FATHER!
phew. my crush on Prince was not incestuous.
the relief is nice
shame about how many people in my family are dead tho
Strange Journey
Mix Tape
Thanks to my family, friends, my one post-college ex, and to
Nielsen Norman!
